Tonight I hung out at a friends house drinking beer and making pot stickers; actually we were not able to make pot stickers as the meat had 'turned'; but we had fun hanging out none the less. I took the bus home from lower Queen Anne to my apartment in Belltown, arriving about 12:30. A few doors away from my place I saw a lady bedding down in a doorway for the night. This same lady I have seen many times asleep in that same doorway as I bustle off to work in the morning.
I decided to approach her grabbing the only bill in my wallet, a $20. I said "Excuse me, I've seen you sleeping here many mornings and I just want to give you this for a good breakfast in the morning." Much to my suprise she would not accept it. While I didn't badger her, I did say something to the effect of "are you sure?" a number of times; to no avail.
Why wouldn't she take it? I truly have no idea. I don't think I was being too presumtive as she was obviously bedding down for the night.
So now I am sitting at home, listening to 'Better People' by Xavier Rudd, wondering "why wouldn't she take it?" After three years of street outreach I still have a lot to learn.
See ya'll next week.
ToddS
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I have been homeless myself. I have turned down money too. I turned it down because as a woman sometimes a random man would "offer" money only to demand sex. I have also turned down money because I felt I didn't deserve it. I didn't earn it and I was extremely depressed so I had some skewed judgments about myself and the other people around me. I felt that if I didn't have family or friends that cared about me why would anyone else. I didn't want people to waste their hard earned money on me when I was on the verge of committing suicide. I have since changed my life and even though I still struggle with certain things I got through it, only when I allowed people to help me as much as they wanted even if it wasn't enough to get me where I wanted. Next time tell the person to pay it forward only when they can and not a moment before. Remind them that an act of kindness for someone else in their future is all you ask of them. That way they will feel that they are able to earn the money and you and they get to spread a little kindness in this harsh world.
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